A Friend in Grief: 1:1 Work
Five years ago I found myself swimming in grief, the biggest losses at the time, were my passageway from Maiden to Mother, and a major break down in my family of origin that stir’d a childhood/ young adult time of emotional abuse and trauma to the surface, and a healing crisis post an unexpected medicalized birth. I was living the most magical time of my life as a new mother with my beautiful baby, but the depths of my pain had me treading water and unsure of how to proceed, more proof to me that life is a total dichotomy. In the first year of my Motherhood I also lost a person very close to me, due to an unexpected death. Through the help of a wonderful therapist who helped me embrace and activate my grief as a tool as well as pointed me in the direction of community grief ritual and eventually a life changing Mindful Grieving Yoga Therapy Teacher Training, I learned that throughout my life I had been harbouring unprocessed grief due to traumas, and experiences that had masked themselves as rage, pain, and confusion. What I learned through all of these experiences was that grief, if supported in a way that resonates with the individual, can become a tool for transforming pain into love, AND it is perfectly ok to not transform. What I mean by that is, that if we all have our own process, our own path to walk, then sometimes what we may need is to transform our pain, and sometimes we are not there at all. Grief is not always this thing we change or move through, it can be. Grief is something we all will experience, in our individual way. What I believe is important here is that no matter what we are experiencing, or how, is that we do not have to experience it alone. Going through loss is isolating enough. I am here to support you.
The way I support is not traditional, like traditional therapy, or grief support groups. While I do use some of these tools personally, as they were needed in my personal journey at certain times and may be needed again. I turned to the practices of mindfulness, yoga, ritual based self care, personal journaling, and movement. All practices I have been using and adapting for years, but now with the focus of exploring my relationship with my grief and learning how to best support myself and others through a life filled with impermanence. I will offer some of these same tools to support you, if these are tools you wish to explore. My biggest offering that I give in the 1:1 relationship is listening. Reflective listening is a simple yet profound tool, that unfortunately does not get used enough in our supporting of one another.
Grief has no recipe, no linear process to follow, no end but always a beginning. We, will all go through loss in our lives, unfortunately we live in a society that only considers loss of a loved one, loss. The reality of how much loss we actually go through is, well, overwhelming when we really start to define loss outside of the “rules” that have been overlaid by the society we exist in. As a friend in grief I am here to hold space for you to process, dwell, deal, transform, be stuck in, flail, be overwhelmed, want to move through, basically be how ever you are in any moment, without judgement, trying to change your feelings, or you. I will sit with you, I will meet you where you are.
As we work together to create the safe space needed for you to explore your grief, you will naturally begin to fine tune your own skills as a space holder, as a friend. Learning how to listen and how to show up even when you don’t know what to say or what to do. We are ALL in this together. Learning to be good supporters is essential to evolving our hearts and showing up for our loved ones and those we have never met. Learning to be human together.
Who is this work for?
I currently am only working with Women at this time.
*Any Woman who is sitting in the depths of grief and loss and just needs to be heard.
*Any Woman who is currently in a grief process and seeking new tools for support, that include mindfulness practices, yoga asana, simple at home self-care practices, personal journaling, and 1:1 communication.
*Any Mother who is experiencing grief as she transitions into Mother for the first time or the 10th time.
*Any Woman who has been through loss and feels lost or out of touch with herself along her journey.
*Any Woman who is curious about redefining what loss and grief can be, and ready to dismiss the miseducation that has been handed out in western culture around both and open to embracing their experience of grief to better know and serve themselves.
*Any Woman who survived her traumas but feels she never grieved them. *We do not have to journey back into the traumas in order to work with the grief.
Why work with me?
I have been through the fire, actually I sat down in the middle of it and let it burn me to the core. I am not afraid of the pain and destruction of life. I am soft and gentle and I am strong. I am a Mother, fully living in her phase of Mother, I hold a solid space and I do not waver. I show up here as my authentic self. I don’t have it all “Figured” out, I just have tools that continue to work for me day in and day out and I want to share them. If we come up against something and you need more support I will help you find what you need. I will always ask you, “what do you need to feel supported right now”, I will never assume I know what is best for you, only you know that. I believe that we all have everything we need to grow and evolve our pain into love within us. We just sometimes need a gentle supporter to witness us unearth what is there. Grief is a gift. I feel this with every thread of my being, and if you can’t believe that it’s okay.
How This works
It all starts with a conversation. During this conversation I will listen to your story and we will decide the best way to move forward together. Maybe its a weekly phone call to check in and allow you to feel supported. Maybe you would like to begin to bring in some simple practices of support like guided meditation, journal prompts or simple self-care you can do at home. Maybe you are overwhelmed and would like some support finding other practitioners to support your needs.
After we establish your needs we will establish a time line for our work together, one that works for both of us, and can always be re-negotiated as time passes. I do require a one month commitment to begin our work together and from there I offer three, and six month commitments.
Investment is discussed and agreed upon on an individual sliding scale basis. No one is turned away due to lack of funds.